


Silence

by SirProphet



Category: SHINee
Genre: Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-17 01:48:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13066608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SirProphet/pseuds/SirProphet
Summary: Silence gives a man a lot of time to think.From birth to the end of time.You've worked hard, Jonghyun.Rest well.





	Silence

**Author's Note:**

> "My apologies if this isn't what you're expecting, I need to get this out of my system."  
> \- SirProphet (19/12/2017)

A child was born.

With nothing but a body of flesh and bones, fragile and soft, he opened his eyes for the first time to welcome the light that comforted his weak and scared heart. The light smiled warmly and caressed his cheek. “Welcome to the world,” the light said and vanished into the night, just before the child’s eyes squeezed shut again.

That was the first time the child cried. He didn’t know why he cried. No one knew, no one understood him.

And then, the child turned around.

He got on all-fours, and he began to crawl towards the light that snuck in through the creak of the closed curtains.

It was the first time he worked hard to get close to the natural sunlight that was locked outside the glass box. His bones weren’t developed (his arms could barely support his weight), but he tried. He tried so hard to get closer, just a little closer to where the ray of sunshine was at.

His efforts were to no avail.

Time ticked about slowly as the child’s limbs grew longer. His bones got stronger, his muscles got firmer and his determination got stronger as he began to learn how to be like everyone else. He walked, he breathed, he read, he talked and listened like everyone else did. 

The child was no longer a child, but a boy, as they called him.

He became ‘normal’.

The boy was no different than the rest, only with the slightest interest towards something more audible than anyone else, something he referred to as his ‘light’.

Music.

He loved music.

That was his light.

And so he ran. He followed his dreams like a shadow that was chasing after the light. But while the shadow can never catch the light, he caught it. He caught his light.

He became a star that was more vibrant than anyone else around him.

A star was never alone; he gained friends, peers of the same glam. Despite the different colours they held, he shone with them and constantly glimmered in the dark. He became one of the brightest gems, the brightest star in the night.

And it dimmed.

It was a mistake. He didn’t mean to do that. He didn’t mean to fall from the night sky like a firework that lost its shine. All he wanted was a bit of a push, to soar higher, to become brighter. How did it end up like this?

How did he fall?

His light faded subtly, in an awfully slow motion as he sank lower and lower. He was going to reach the ground again, but did he want to? No, he didn’t. He refused to. So he fought back. He fought against the odds and tried so hard to climb back up again. He tried. He tried so, so hard.

It didn’t work, he couldn’t get any brighter than he currently was.

He was dull. He felt dull.

He became afraid.

Fear - he felt it crawling on his skin every time he poured his blood into the vassal that contained his voice. He felt uncomfortable, he was hurt, he was in pain…

He couldn’t breathe.

In the darkest corner, he cried. He cried so hard, but no one heard him. No one saw his tears that covered his eyes, only because he was smiling all this time. But that was fine. It didn’t matter because with every voice he cried out, one star began to shine brighter than the other. While he was fading into the dark, everyone else was soaring towards the higher sky. They were shining brighter than he’ll ever be. That was more than enough.

It was never enough.

There weren’t any light. He was trapped in a complete darkness.

Why was it so dark? Why can’t he see anything at all?

Was he finally blinded by the hands of his fear?

If he could get someone,  _ anyone  _ to reach out a hand, then perhaps he could find back the light that lost its way in the dark.

But there weren’t anyone else but himself.

The hand that he tried to catch pushed him back to the same spot. Those hands were cold, they were layered with gloves of chills as needles pricked harshly into his ears. “It was nothing,” the voice said monotonously. And like a repeated cassette tape, words continued to rewind in his mind, over and over again.

“It was just you,” the voice said. “It was only you.”

Only. Him.

It was only him who was keeping himself in the darkness. There weren’t any locks in this room, he could have walked out if he tried harder to look for the exit. But he couldn’t see it. He couldn’t find it.

He can’t see.

The silence. The voice.

Everything came down to the final spark that fell into the quiet ripple.

And that was the end, he was no longer shining the way he was. He carried his feet back into the dark, he held the last handle that shut him in, and he lighted a spark, hoping to gain the final glance of warmth before everything came to an end.

The end came too slow.

As he slowly shut his eyes, he let out the softest breath and welcomed the gentlest ray again.

“One last goodbye, my friend,” the light smiled and gave him a hand. “So, how’s life?”

_ Life.  _

The man finally looked up and sighed.

Life.

Who knew how it was like?

But nevertheless, he smiled and took that hand.

And then…

There were no more ‘and then’s.

His smile was finally fixed genuinely on his face, framed and left in the bed of blooming chrysanthemums, beaming as brightly as the light that embraced him above the skies.

And if anyone were to ask if he was ever happy, he’d look at them, and then, he’ll smile again. 

Because who knows if he was ever truly happy? He had worked hard all these while. He was only human. He was tired.

He only wanted to rest in the calmest, peaceful state.

Forever, and ever.

Even if it was wrong, even if it wasn’t the best choice he had made in his life, he smiled. And he will continue to smile.

In silence. In peace.

For eternity.


End file.
